Our place and our kids

It was just pure luck that we happened upon our rented apartment where we now live. As I mentioned, it is the same apartment we rented as a holiday home last year when we were on a reconnaissance trip over the summer holidays. We found it on the internet and got into negotiations with the landlord, David. He has since proved to be a helpful friend and a valuable contact for information. It also just so happens that the area we landed, Devesa Park, is considered a very desirable place to live.

It makes me smile when we say we live in Spain and people in the UK imagine us situated in a white-washed pueblo (village). In fact, where we are is more like an uptown, residential area of New York. Here you will find no houses only modern blocks of low rise flats where people are quite happy bringing up their families and making use of the infracstruture available. Our supermarket is so near that we have even wheeled the shopping trolley across the road, into our block and up into the lift to unload it in our flat and then return it later to collect our euro out of the trolley slot! Only once our eldest got stuck in the lift when she couldn't reach the buttons on the lift because her arms could not stretch across the trolley to the control panel and we all panicked like mad as she was in the lift on her own. Fortunately, a neighbour came to our rescue and Kasia emerged tearful but relieved.

A five minute walk away brings you into the centre of Devesa park which is not unlike St. James Park in London (abound with London Plain trees) and a fantastic, outdoor swimming facility. The Devesa Park pool is large (plus there a paddling sized one) and is surrounded by tall trees and green grass. Sun-beds are provided. It is guarded by swimming pool attendants from the Red Cross (Cruz Roja) and for some strange reason, a few bored-looking security guards (looks like job creation to me!). The local library set up a book stall/newspaper stand in the shade, with things to do for children like drawing and the occasional story-telling. There is also a little kiosk for drinks, snacks and sandwiches. Unfortunately, it closes down for the Autumn and Winter. We were there on the last day it was open in September (we had become regular visitors for a small fee) and all the life-guards and security officers threw themselves into the pool in full uniform and looked like they were having a right laugh.

On Saturdays and Tuesdays the park comes alive with the local market where most things you need can be found from clothes, kitchen equipment, linens and fruit & vegetables amongst lots of other stuff. The prices are aimed at the locals so it is a lot cheaper than the markets you find on the Costas. Once, when I was there with the kids, we saw an elderly couple (perhaps a farmer and his wife) just sitting there with a plastic crate containing two quiet, docile rabbits. I had to explain to the children that I didn't think they were being sold as pets!

The flat is light, open-plan and spacious. It does not have any outside space so there is no balcony or terrace which I find frustrating and difficult having being used to houses with gardens. I hanker for growing things, being able to nip outside with a coffee whenever I feel 'cabin-fever' coming on and of course, we would love to keep pets again. Although I don't know if we will ever have ponies and chickens in our garden again. Peter and I have not lived in flats since our single, childless days. We worry about being too noisy whilst also being aware of the other residents daily lives as we hear them going about their business. What tempers this is the fact that it so well situated that it is a bit like living in a Chelsea flat with the best of everything more or less in easy, walking distance.

The summer of 2005 last year, was when we had sold our house and decided to spend the whole summer holidays having a bit of a break but more importantly looking for somewhere to settle down the following year. We had decided on Girona as our base as it was near the airport and pretty central to the rest of Catalonia. We never thought for a moment that this was the place we would want to make our home. Much of our time over those five weeks was spent driving around and visiting different towns and villages. We didn't think we wanted to move into a city (having escaped London nine years before to move to the country) but there was something about Girona that made us think again.

Girona is a small city. It has it's modern, residential and commercial side but is also has a very old district with a very ancient history which is very evident away from the thriving (albeit compact) metropolis. A certain amount of regeneration has brought the city back to life (especially the old town) and what you find will touch you forever. Think Barcelona but without the crime, beggars and crowds. The people are generally well presented; the young with attitude and the older generation with sophistication. The children are beautifully dressed and adored. Smart, expensive, shiny cars jostle for parking spaces and every other person seems to be walking a pedigree pooch. Poodle palours and pet shops are as obvious as estate agents are in the UK (but there also seems to be a lot of estate agents here as well - guess there is an international real estate virus!). It is one of the wealthiest cities in Spain with wages/house prices above the national average and it shows. The police never look that busy, the streets are generally clean and people appear to go about their business safely night or day.

You can wander down dark, cobblestoned alleyways, meander your way under beautiful archways , zig-zag numerous bridges and get yourself lost but feel reasonably secure. All your senses are alerted to the extraordinary experience of this unique city and it is quite exquisite as one surprise unfolds itself after another. But, it is the people of Girona that won our hearts for it is they that make the city into the special place it is. Not just born and bred Catalans but the like-minded folk from other nations who have come under her strange spell. I also found out that Girona has more shops per capita than anywhere else in Spain so I knew there must have been a very good reason why I was drawn here!

Our visits to the inland towns and villages away from Girona were interesting but uncomfortable in that we felt we seemed to 'stand-out'. We are obviously a Northern European family and we seemed to attract attention. In Girona we may get a second glance but nobody pays us much more notice after that. We have discovered that English families living in Girona are not that common so we do feel a little exotic! Perhaps that is why people have been so helpful, interested and open to us.

We were determined not to go live in a coastal resort where it would be people-logged in the Summer and souless in the Winter. We also wanted our kids to be part of the natural community, to learn Catalan and Spanish. We want them to grow up having a sense of belonging to the country they were living in. We didn't want them to be English kids growing up in a community of just other foreign kids and having only friends from Germany, Belgium, UK and Holland etc. I had previously spent time talking to many ex-pat. families who lived on the coast. I was told that their children tended to have friends just from the UK and other nations rather than Catalans (who tended to keep to themselves on the Costa Brava). I thought this was sad because whilst we wanted our children to be citizens of the world, make as many friends as possible and be exposed to diversity, we want them to also have a strong identity with the country that was now their home. Of course, we understand they will always be the 'English Girls' in the Catalan community but we know they will be welcomed and embraced as we have been since we got here. Once they have a handle on the language and are speaking with a local accent, they will blend in seamlessly to enjoy the life that all the children do here with all the wonderful opportunities the region affords.

We fully intend to continue reminding them of their English heritage and also their Polish/Irish roots which makes for a very rich cultural mix in which to thrive and develop. I will take it upon myself to make sure that their level of English meets the grade so it will be extra homework with Mummy and lots of English books to read over the next few years. Plus Daddy is an official English language teacher!

That's your opinion you may say, but what do your children think? Which is a very good question.

Well, firstly, this is something that has been talked about for many years in our house. We first came to Catalonia when they were just tiny toddlers and fell in love with it then. They have grown up hearing Mummy & Daddy trying to learn Spanish and passing on a few words to them. It was never a concept that was suddenly introduced but something that was always on the horizon so it was no surprise when we decided to take the plunge.

We had our long holiday here last year and talked all the time about how we would be back to live. They had their lovely, summer fun on the beach and local pool but we also took them up to the hills and mountains and historical old towns with spooky gothic quarters, medieval streets, churches, museums and lively festivals to see what else there was to offer in the country.

The hardest thing for them was to accept that they would have to leave their school and their friends. They are very young (six and eight years) and had not completely settled into their peer groups by the time we left the UK. We knew that if we left it another five years they would hate us for moving them and find the experience a lot harder once they had become used to the British way of life, their friends and all it entailed. It was sad leaving the school, but we had already left the home they had known, gone into a rented house in anticipation of the move and spent the whole of last year talking and looking forward to moving abroad. Most of our family live in London and as they did not see them everyday there was no separation anxiety for grandparents and other relatives who we know will pay us visits and we will spend time with them during summer, christmas holidays etc. when we go back to the UK. My beloved Grandmother, who the girls were close to, passed away earlier this year. I also have to mention the family dog, Sassie who we lost last Christmas. Aunts and uncles are always in touch via calls, emails and occasional cards & presents. A few family members live in other countries too. Good friends keep in touch.

As it is, they are really excited about learning the language and try at every opportunity. We could be sitting around a square having coffee and they will quickly be off with a bunch of kids, playing games with no inhibitions about not being able to speak each others' languages. They have a very positive attitude and have already found life more fun and interesting since we have been here because there is simply so much more to do. The days are longer and tend to be more clement even though we are now approaching Autumn. We are out and about much more and they can go just about anywhere with us as they are welcome in shops, bars and restaurants at anytime. At the moment our girls are very much into what we all do together and this is just one big family adventure for them. They simply want to join in on everything that goes on and be with us as much as possible which is so lovely. I am under no illusion that this will change when the hormones kick in so we are making the most of it while it lasts!

We have new bikes and roller blades and there are playgrounds on every corner plus the beautiful park nearby. The winter beckons with the anticipation of snowy times, skiing trips and ice skating only an hour away.

As my eldest daughter told me, "I'm sad to leave England but happy to live in Spain". My youngest still talks about her old friends like they just live around the corner and would love to see them again but does not seem to pine for them but she is the sort of child who takes everything in her stride.

They are naturally nervous about starting a new school as are us parents. They will be going right into the deep end. This is something we have all yet to face along with many other issues before we reach our comfort zone. We accept it as part of the transition although this not always easy.

We feel that Catalonia is a great place to bring up our off-spring and the lifesyle was more appropriate for us. It just happens to suit us better than life did in England. This is our very considered choice and we are glad we have made it. We feel that Spain is generally more child-friendly.

It makes me really annoyed that the UK is generally considered intolerant of children when most Mums & Dads I know enjoy spending time with their families and ensuring their kids have a fulfilled, happy life. It is not British parenting (who are the most caring, wonderful parents) but life, as it is, in the UK . We want our children to have more freedom but because of the English weather, fear of the unknown child molester and the other multiple threats that torture our imaginations, we tend to keep our kids close. These fears must play on the mind of good parents everywhere but it feels more intensive in the UK. The Spanish attitude appears more relaxed but no less watchful. Growing up in Britain means long, dark winters and more exposure to television, computer, advertising etc. which allows the media to try and turn our children into mini-consumers and lots of parents feel under pressure to keep up. Evenings mean that children are not generally accepted in eating places unless they are somewhere awful like McDonalds or other chain pub/restaurants that specialise in mega-menus of microwaved food. Plus it has to be a occasional treat because a night out with the kids ends up costing more than a return flight to Paris especially in big cities like London or Manchester! English parents are there for their children 24/7. They strive so hard to balance everything. It is these loving, switched-on parents who have to cope the system, perceived political correctness and certain negative attitudes. The watchful welfare state has its pluses and minuses. The high cost of living in the UK means that many parents have to work hard to provide all the things they want for their children which is tough on family life.

In some ways it's the same here in this expensive part of Spain. Working parents are also great jugglers and plate-spinners! Catalan parents do seem to have a lot of back-up from willing, devoted grandparents and I envy them that resource. After school at 5pm in Spain means running from here, there and everywhere packing in as much extra sports, language lessons, dancing classes and as many activities as possible. There are skiing and outdoor pursuits clubs that take the children up to the mountains for a days' tuition at the weekends. Things like riding or music lessons are so much more available and affordable. Swimming clubs and Summer camps are common and you do get to wonder if some Spanish parents just don't get to spend enough quality time with their kids because leisure time is just so busy with the extra-curricular commitments.

The attitude of society is simply different here in Spain. You do not have to wealthy to have a good life. You may not have a top of the range car, the latest gadgets and expensive holidays but at least you get to have a long lunch with kids in the sunshine (every day if you want to). Children are considered a blessing and a stroke of very good fortune. It basically boils down to the fact that they are actually very respected here which is why people seem to have more time for them. Bringing up the little darlings is hard enough so it is great to be cut some slack sometimes. This really does make life easier when you go out as a family.

When we were in the supermarket our six-year old took a tumble and burst into tears. The shop assistants jumped so fast and they were all over her in seconds, picking her up and placating her in concerned tones even though I was there standing right next to her. Ladies quickly fish into their handbags to give a sweet to a passing child. It seems perfectly acceptable to kiss and cuddle children in distress even if you do not know them. People shout 'Gaupa' pretty girl or 'Gaupo' pretty boy across the street just because they think your kid looks cute.

Nevertheless, do not think that this is a totally child-tolerant country. Being out late on a school-night is frowned upon and whilst they are welcome in most places they must be well behaved. Believe you me, naughty children get just as much tutting, short-shrift and grim looks here.

I guess it does not matter where or who you are in the world. However your environment affects your life whether you are a North American Indian, a Tibetan nomad, a London housewife, high-powered executive or whatever, the fundamental truth is that we all love our kids, want the best for them. We all just want to make our lives better and be content.

We really are all the same aren't we?